Not knowing

I don't know who's thinking
Making up these lies
Or giving you the time
To think of all these alibis

As if you've really listened
As if you've really cared
I want to see you
But for that I am scared

Scared to drive that far
Just to be let down
Scared that as soon as I get there
I'll have to turn around

To give you your necklace
And turn and walk away
Sounds like a horrible thing
To do in just one day

I would like to hold on
Just for an hour
Just to be in your arms
Gives me so much power

To give up what I have
Doesn't seem right
But I guess that's your decision
That you'll have to make tonight

I've given all I have
No one else ever will
So for the rest of your life
You'll just have time to kill

How many women
Will sit and wait for you
Knowing that you'll be gone
Doing what you do

I've sat at home
With places to go
Friends begging me
But I still said no

You'll be gone for four years
But I had decided to wait
I thought if we could make it
Then it must be fate

But I guess you don't
Even what to try
So now I just sit
Alone wondering why

Why I let my heart
Get attached to you
I know it's only
Because I trusted you

Since the first night we met
You're all I've thought about
Even when we didn't talk
I tried not to pout

For I knew it would be worth it
To make it in the end
But now I see I didn't know
So now I have to mend

Mend a broken heart
Because I let my guard down
But from now on
My heart will only pound

No love will get inside
I'll build my walls to high
I'll never make it through another
Or I'll tell the world good-bye...

written 02/17/2006