Sugar Coated

by Wip lost the Rhythm   Aug 3, 2006


No more sugar coated lies, I love this, I love that
So sick of it, clogging up my space, such bulls**t,
See that line, it sucks, I hate it, rip the
black lined paper It’s all wrong, the words,
the rhyme, words spelt wrong I want to strangle
this poem, this anonymous commenter
Where’s the this is what you could work on
This line makes me love grass, and love and bees
Flowers, sunrise, sunset, grief
Where’s the this line touched you the most
The imagery flashes in your eyes
I’m sick of this is the best poem like EVER
I know it’s not, there’s no talent behind it
The words are empty; I can see it, can’t you
Are you blind, or do you just not care
All you want is ratings up, a silver metal letter
Next to your name

I want to be able to feel your heart beat in those words
The level of understanding written on the keyboard
I don’t want the sugar coated
Idon’twantohurtyourfeelings SoI’mnotgoingtosay a
mean wordanymore. Hands fluttering
Over nervous lips, did I hurt her feelings?
Screaming in your face, hurt me hurt my words,
Admit that this poem SUCKS; admit that it’s mediocre at best
and that’s pushing it. Tell me that it’s beautiful and the words linger
On your skin like rose scented rain
Admit for once that that comment was a lie
That you really wanted to say ten million other things
But worry got in the way and out pop happy words
It’s not what I want, I want it sucks; I hate it, what is this?
What does that mean? Why is it worded like that?
I want questions, I want to explain, and
I want you to wonder, I want it to be true
I need remembrance of its not good, it’s not o.k.,
Make this better, make me wow,
Make me, make me

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Megann Lee

    Wow, very nicely written Hun. I loved it.

  • 17 years ago

    by Anne

    As a poem, I don't think it's great, but the controversial aspect you put in it makes it interesting. Sometimes it's like your telling a story, not writing a poem, so try to make it flow a bit easier. Good use of words, an interesting subject and a superb ending
    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Ruthie

    Ha ha ha! I'm sorry... ok... no laughing no omg this is brilliant...... ok.... well here's some point's from me! *grins* and I always give good points lol

    1. Maybe break it up into more stanzas cause I got a bit dizzy reading that lol

    2. Try not 2 dis your audience 2 much they could get offended LOL... jokes.... but I thought your wording was really good just try to make it flow a bit more

    lol that's all I have to say! it was imaginative, controversal, in your face totally beautiful... not the best poem I've ever read that would be MINE... lol jokes again... it was very nicely written hun! keep it up Ruthie xoxo

  • 17 years ago

    by donk2ymouth

    This poem sucks. There is your criticism .Aha, I'm joking. I like this poem, but I'm afraid to tell you =/, I don't want to be strangled.

    The topic was an interesting one that many people don't write on, but the title with that 'call out to poems and quotes writers' part made me lose interest. The 'Sugar Coated' title was the reason why I read it.

    Anyways...the flow of this poem is off at sometimes, but I was also reading it pretty quickly..I think it was because of the 'infuration' of the words, I don't know.

    It's hard to give constructive criticism on a poem that is about it.

  • 17 years ago

    by Poetvoices

    I can't GIVE you constructive critisism. I can give you consturctive COMPLIMENTS!! You write perfectly, and every time I write, I hope to write more like you!! 5/5, once again!!
    PV

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