A LIfe Filled With Pain

I wear a mask in front of my friends
so they won't see the pain that will never end.
the pain digs into my heart like a piece of wire
and darkness surrounds me like an all consuming fire.

my eyes fill with tears unshed.
i stare at my wrist with its blood so red.
i want to end it. i want to die.
some say life is a gift. i wonder why?

my life is not a gift. it's so much worse.
it's so unbearable. it feels like a curse.
god plays with my life like a child with a toy,
he fills me with pain and removes all joy.

why won't he just kill me? just let me die?
instead of letting me live a lie.
my life is filled with pain. pain is my fate.
the life i have learned to love with my hate.