Secret Water

Soundless tears fall from my eyes
A secret water i won't let you see
A hidden truth of all my pain
My heart crying out to the world
My mind keeping it quiet
Not letting it be noticed
As the emotions fall from my eyes
I run to the shower
Closing the door quickly behind me
As i fall against the back of the door
Crying my eyes out
My hurt spilling out of control
The things you said ringing in my ears
The words you typed burning my eyes
Tears cascading down my cheeks as i slowly undress
Pulling off my water drenched clothes
As i drop them to the floors
Silent pain tainting my skin
As i turn the water on
The sounds muffling my hurt
As i sob out louder
Falling to the shower floor
Crying into my hands
The hot water pounding down
On the top of my head
The tears uncontrollable
Tainting my happy persona
Your words painfully etched into my heart
I stare upon the blades
As i slowly phase in and out
My hand reaching up unable to reach
The hot water tunring cold
As my heart turns to coal
I crawl out of the shower
Wiping away the last secret tears
As i wrap a towel around my tainted skin
Turning off the water
As i walk out of the bathroom
Smiling in the mirror
My eyes still telling of the pain
I pull my hair over my eyes
As i come back to talk to you
Missing you so much
Hating you so deep
If only you knew
How much pain you cause
The secret water im scared to show you
I know you want to see
But you just aren't ready
And im not sure you ever will be
I appreciate your care
I don't deserve it
You won't listen to reason
Guilt is not what i needed
Although a hug would have been nice.