Child Support

Sometimes I just don't know what to do or how to release the pain.
I don't cut
I don't drink
I don't do drugs
I don't party
I don't cry

sometimes

I write
I read
I sing
I listen to music
I curl up into a ball and hug my knees to my chest and wait for the worst to end.

but sometimes not even that helps.

f r u s t r a t i o n

A whole issue with my father and mother about child support.
He says he would do anything for my sister and I but the truth is he is lying,
He doesn't want to pay the child support.
I hate it.

He is brainwashing my sister.
telling her lies well not really lies just stretching the truth.

I don't like the fact that he has brought her into this mess
and is almost using her like a spy its frustrating to see such an innocent little girl be told that her mother is going to prevent him from being able to buy a house, and all this crap....

I don't know why he is doing this, and it is really bothering me. :/
I guess it comes down to the one fact that this is my fault.

One day my sister will hopefully realize that he isn't the person he says he is.

He has already replaced me.
He has already found the son he always wanted and with a new baby on the way, there is no more room for me.

I don't feel as if he has replaced me
Honestly I don't even care.
You may think that kind contradicts my previous statement.
But it doesn't
Because I know he has replaced me.
You don't have to feel something to know it.

I am sick of trying to be the son he never had
But if he's lucky he will have gained two
For the loss of his eldest daughter.

You grow up and realize your parents aren't who they say they are
but w a t e v e r

I am sick of tearing my hair out thinking about things
I've given up
And am no longer letting him pull on the strings to my heart.

F* ck everything.
It doesn't matter anymore.
so w h a t e v e r

I don't like knowing that everything he told me
could be a lie

I did once run to him for comfort
When I at one point hated my mother
But I was young and naive
And I didn't want her to be dating anyone
Because the moment I found out she was
I lost all hope of my parents realizing they loved each other still
and would forget about the whole thing
like the movies

reality hit me.
life's no fairy tale

i love how it always says
"Happily ever after"
I'm not sure I believe in that.

Love scares me
And I don't want to end up like them

I hate knowing what I know
But I love knowing it too...

I love my sister
But I am a terrible sister

I have a new half sibling on the way
and it is replacing me.
My father doesn't give a damn
and that is fine with me

So tell me you love me
and say you'll do whatever for me
And say how the new kid isn't going to replace me
see if I give a damn

because it's all lies.

Stop weaving your web now
You're eventually going to get caught
And you will have to eat yourself.

The end
El fin.
Peace.