Betrayel

The unbelievable betrayal cuts deep into my heart, the love felt pulls me down to a state of depression in line with confusion. Can feelings of lust turn to love, can vunerablity lead to misjudgement, does love connect with sex and does sex mean love.

The outcome of abusive relationships are all different but the inner feelings of the ones who have suffered are so similar in every way possible. The self-doubt, guilt and blame felt as a result of the physical, sexual and emotional abuse torments the soul. Both the abusier and victom are left alone, dissappointed and above all betrayed;the undenying truth.

Domestic violence is common in many families and those children who come from broken families have been physically beaten, sexually abused combined with the emotional aspects are more are more at risk to grow up and treat their wives, children, partners in the same manner. This is no justification, excuse but an explanation to why these males, females, fathers, mothers act and use mistreatment apon others. It is problems within themselves, their insecturites, pain, heartach that destroys them untill they have the feelings of anger, destruction, self-hatred posined throughtput their bodies.

To get out of an abusive, intimate realtionship is one of the hardest things i\'ve done. To put a stop to a lover treating me with disrespect took courage, strengh and will power within my self. The inital reaction is to just go back to them, accept the apologies, begin to feel sorry for the heartach but going back will continue the typical abusive cycle. The questions I face are do; i want to let him think the way he treated me was acceptable, that i am weak and vunerable and lastly do I go with my gut feeling or what my head is telling me when I make the decision whether to stat a relationship with him again.

The dark memories seep in, his body on top of mine continuing the movement, enhancing the pain ignoring my words of stop in a soft just reachable voice. Was it a state of aforia or was it a pure accidential act of crime, an act of selfishness to achieve those sexual sensations of satisfaction. He did not take into consideration of the body beneath him, tears filling her eyes as the shock of a loved one continues agaisnt her will, not stopping when asked. He went to the end without consent.

From that point onwards the abuse kicked in, the anger became visuable, the loss in temper, the jealousy. the fights out of control. It takes two to tango but can one inflict and influence abuse to accur, to be honest i\'m not sure.

My love feels so strong, the connection between us two is unbeleiavble but can those inner feeling of love be enough to a start a relationship from the beggining, to let the one i love have me in his arms even though he mistreated me, abusing both my body and soul physcially, sexually and emotionally. My feelings towards the one l love will always be there whether we become one or dift away in speparte direction. i am left with memories of laughter, fun, love, care but with dark destroying memoeries lingering in the shadows.