They Told Me

They told me to count my blessings
But instead I numbered the tears I cried.
They told to let loose, let it out,
But I kept the pains locked inside.

They told me to look inside myself
But I envied the things you felt.
They told me to lean on faith to protect me,
But I stood alone, rather than knelt.

They told me to seek peace in church
But I had to walk away to cry.
They told me to find healthy relationships
But I clinged to your love and a lie.

They told me once to cherish my life
But I broke my life deeper than ashes.
They told me there was time to heal,
But I selfishly tore my arms in gashes.

They told me to look in the mirror,
Repulsed, my fist slammed into the glass.
The voices echoed whispers so distant
Until the voices were finally quiet at last.

I walked around in circles all day,
Wondering why the silence rang in my ears
I fell to my knees, hugging myself in pain,
Wondering how the voices could just disappear.

I realized something was wrong with me,
So I stopped and asked for some help.
He shrugged at me in disbelief and said,
"You'll have to do this by yourself."

I slipped unconsciously to a light,
With glowing lights and candy clouds.
As I walked up to the busy gatekeeper,
He had called my name out loud.

I stepped inside and took my place.
God met me with ominous eyes.
I bowed my head in shame, and blushed,
I felt inclined to apologize.

"My dear, you came here too early."
He said to me with sad disdain.
I looked at him, speaking my mind,
"God, why did you give me this pain?"

He grinned and took me in his arms,
Said, "Child, I gave you so much more.
I gave you my voice, my direction,
But in that you chose to ignore."

I said back to him with teary eyes,
"There was too much damage left and debris.
I called you but your never came back."
He said, "But my dear, you're the one who left me."

"You strayed too far from my council,
So what more was there to say?
You ignored me when I guided you,
So its my turn to now walk away."