This mess

What a mess i am in.
every day this rips me to shreds.
the tears are left uncried.
because i have to be strong.

he is dating my best friend
but they want me with them.
i cannot its not right.
but i want to be around them.

they keep pressuring me
trying to change me
then blackmailing me with our friendship when i can't change at all

it feels like hell.
to be threatened with the friendship of the ppl u care about so much.

they want me to change to be open and to be with them.
they ask so much when i have been the same way for so long

this is just too much for me.
what do i do.
i feel like i would be better of dead
than living with this pain.