When?

Trapped inside life
Pushed and pulled
I hate what
I have become
I didn't used to
Be so insecure
What ever happened
To the I love you's
They were there
All of the time
Now memories
Have turned to ashes
Visions of the future
Seem so blury
No absolution
For my salvation
Maybe I should end it here
No one seems to care
So why should I
I sharpen my knife
Circle it around my arm
Draw it near me
Push it down
Blood sacrifices
For a few moment
Of worthless cries
I'm going so much higher
My Life is going down
When will all of
This pain ever end?