Can't Take It Anymore

I will start by saying, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be a bother
But I guess I am.
I am lost in this world,
friendless and alone.
My first love has become gay,
And I have no one to turn to.
I have pins and needles
Stabbing my mind.
Why does it always happen to me?
What do I do to deserve it?
I guess I am worthless in more ways than one.
My parents hate me,
If I had any friends, they'd hate me too.
And me, I am about to die.
I have this feeling inside of me that I should live no more.
Any song I listen to reminds me
Of something that has happened to me.
I wish it would all just end.
Pretending my hand is a gun,
Pointing it to my head,
Pulling the imaginary trigger.
I imagine it just like that, only real.
Then, everyone will be happy,
Once and for all.

I am in shock.
Not one person loves me for me.
And if they do love me,
It's for who I pretend to be.
I am a swell actress.
But that's too bad,
Because there goes another dream lost.
I feel the pain creep up from the bottom,
It's getting closer to being over.
What is life worth anymore?
The only way to do something about it,
Is to end it.
All of it.

I feel like I am not wanted.
No one will care if I go away
Because I don't matter to them anyway.
I don't even matter to myself.
So why do I keep myself in this misery?
It's to keep other people happy.
But I myself am not happy.
I want so much to take a knife,
And just let it do what it is best at.
Slicing.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I listen to my music.
The depressing songs that remind me of everything I've done,
Everything until my last day here in this living hell.
Today.