Full Of Pain

I sit here at my desk trying hard not to cry,
I don't want to show my pain I want to hide it all inside,

I just got off the phone with you and now my smile faded away,
I hate when we talk and you have nothing nice to say,

I was fine all day up until now,
You still know how to get to me and bring me down somehow,

Now my tears are so close to coming out my eyes,
I'm tired of the hurting and all of your lies,

And again my heart is broken when it was just about to heal,
I hate that you like to hurt me and cause pain for me to feel,

And as if insult didn't hurt enough and you just have to add,
Some more misery to my sorrow and make me feel more sad,

And I know thats its been a while but not enough time,
To just stop loving you cause for eight years you were mine,

Just thinking of someone else holding you just drives me insane,
Do you know how hard it is for me to keep from putting a bullet to my brain,

Well it takes me alot to keep myself under control,
It takes alot of strength from me to accept you let me go,

I wish you only knew though what I go through everyday,
And how hard it is for me to not love you and just go about my way,

Theres not a single day that passes that you don't come to my head,
And during late nights when I can't sleep I look to your side of the bed,

I just want to go somewhere where I can just forget,
But my mind keeps bringing up the memory from when we first met,

I didn't know I loved you this much I really didn't know,
And now all the love I have I don't want to show,

I just want to be happy I don't want to cry,
Why do you do this to me why did you say goodbye,