Only me

It always happens to me.
No one else but me.
I give a guy my heart, and in return, they crack it wide open to bleed.
So I just let it keep bleeding.
Bleeding of all the pain now and before.
Every time I trust a guy with my heart, they all turn around and stab it like they don't care.
Well, I do.
I will never again trust a guy well enough with my heart, unless he proves to me he will love me until the day he dies.

And that's a promise.

I didn't know I was so hard to love.
I could have figured that out, but I didn't want to.
I just want to be loved and cherished for who I really am.
Not for who you see before you know the real me.
Every guy seems to love me, until they get to know me.
Then they turn away like I don't matter to them anymore.
That all ends today.
If I point that shiny gun to my head, would it matter to you then?
Would it matter if I took my life and got rid of it like you make me want to?
If I pull the trigger just once, all the torture of this world will be gone.
And obviously, who would care?

No one.

And they all know they wouldn't if they really thought about it.
They would laugh at my funeral, mocking me with delight.
They would praise God that I had enough guts to pull the trigger this time.
They wouldn't miss the annoyance that I brought, or the meanness in my words.
They wouldn't miss the girl that always acted like she had it worse than she really did.

They'll never know that I actually did have it bad.
They just will never know that the worst battle I had was with my own self.