A regret, and confession (part one)

I see your image through my tears tonight
for no longer I shall have your company
or the pleasure of hearing you
tonight my heart is filled with a heavy burden
because for so long I had lied to my own self and led my heart in believing falls.
tonight everything seems to share my sorrow
and none offers any comfort.
for the last two days I have not been in a kind mood, like my words
I have lost meaning and as my tears flows i am braking inside
and color is fading from my face
but God has been kind to me
and now I shall take the privilege of asking and burdening him with my grieves.
tonight I confess and beg his forgiveness.
I ask you my dear god to grand me this wish tonight.
and the courage of letting go
for life taught me how to love but never did I learn the art of forgetting.
dear reader this is my confession of my sin
a sin I did of selfish reason
I don't wish you confusion but share with you this burden upon my heart.
for after this I have no desire or reason to hold my pen or read another kind word.
I shall leave the past behind and continue with future but before all that I have a confession to make
one day I shared my story with a dear friend.
and asked her advice, in her kindness as not to lead me into disappointment she advised me of reviling my desire
my hear reader and that little sin was that I cared about a person very much, because I was afraid of losing him.
I told him of my heart and waited impatiently for what I was not ready to hear.
oh, what a grave disappointment i went through for I never received any word
but that person told me in person of my silly idea and that it was quite impossible.
that day my heart broke, my spirit sank and my soul took wings and left me behind. i was left with a broken heart, an empty soul and a live-less heart.
yet I asked god to give me courage to continue my friendship. i tried hard not to show my disappointment. till one day, not upon choice but of consequence I met two gentlemen, they were quite as disappointed in life as I was, we soon became acquaintance and one took interest in me. he was kind, fair looking and quite charming and every way of an gentleman. we spend great time in each others company, i reading him poetry and he admiring every word. soon he asked me out and shyly I found reason to excuse my self.. after more of knowing each other, once again he asked me and i once again refused. he was quite losing his patient. one morning so suddenly he asked me if I had given much thought to marriage, and I said its to early to think of such a thing, but he would not accept that but asked my hand in marriage and I said we are but two good friends, so let it be in peace..
he left, I lost his friendship, his smiles, his kind words and the joy of his companionship.