Bones

by kelly tavern   Jan 23, 2007


Crush my bones to powered chalk
here me speak, make me talk
beaten down in so much pain
would my life of been in vain
if im to die on this very day
go to church and have a pray
pray for my soul to be reborn
into the earth and into the soil
thank god for you for being so loyal...

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  • 16 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    The begining was very gripping.
    And the rymthes where good, the flow natural:)
    However I feel you can expand on this, and make it a better more enjoyable read.

    Still good,
    Elaine.

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    To be honest this is a good piece and you can add more flavours in to it. Keep writing

    Tc
    Fsams

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