Velocity

by Poetvoices   Feb 1, 2007


My eyes are red and puffy.
My throat is burning and sore.

My room is wadded up tissues.
My floor is snotty and wet.

Poison sucks my only happiness.
Why God? O, why?

If ever there was a time for sorrow,
this is mine!

If ever there was a time for crying,
it is now!

If ever there was a time to ask why,
I currently say, "God, has thou forsaken me?"

I'm tired of snot and tears and burning and questioning and doubting and tissues and
all this lack of noise.

I reach my hands to feel the sunrise.
Thank you, God!

I rejoice.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    I'm not a religious person, but this was a good write.
    I guess everyone feels down sometimes, and a simple ray of sun from a loved one can make you feel a lot better.
    On the first line of the second couplet, It seemed to me you may have meant "wadded up with tissues" because as it stands, it didn't make clear sense.
    Also, the second line of the sixth couplet didn't sound right in my opinion either. I think you could use better wording than "I currently" to work in the following question.
    In the seventh couplet you use excessive and's, and although this is a clever tool to create a sense of urgancy, the flow was lost there. I think a few commas could sort that out though. Just a few thoughts.
    Thanks for sharing.

  • 18 years ago

    by Braeden Monks

    In response to your comment

    is it wrong for a poem to judged soley on its content, yes your right the poem did not flow as a poem but its a lyrics for a song for my band

    so soley on its content your opinions would be?

  • 18 years ago

    by Alicia

    Actually there is a thing called a poetic licence. It means that when you write poetry grammer dosn't matter, you can choose to write with proper grammer or not. So good use of poetic licence. ;)

    ~Alicia

  • 18 years ago

    by Pure Silence

    ..did I miss something?

    you're crying and then BOOM rejoice...
    No offence but, maybe add a staza? you may be tired of it but why do you do a 180 spin? okay?

    and grammatically.. can you say 'and' more then once in a sentence? It's slightly awkward...

    Sorry but yeah umm thats all I have to say negitivly, (wow i cant spell today)

    The faith you present in this poem is inspiring, diction chioce was interesting, nice, but limited.. however it sets a scene and paint s a vivid picture.

    I love you
    *dont hurt me*
    Sorry if I come off rude =/

  • 18 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    Wooooooo nice its about time you wrote another poem I love em I can totally relate 5/5 maybe u can read one of mine.

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