Beautifully writen! you can almost feel the heartbreak before it is said, i love it, well done, add me on myspace, www.myspace.com/chuggingkoolaid

This was very good, i liked it alot, and i feel the same way about my girlfriend sometimes. 5/5 I'll get around to some of your others shortly, i am kinda tired right now though.

That ending was very sad, saying goodbye to a partner would cause you to say goodbye to the world. I love my fiance to bits, but I'll say no man's worth me taking my life.
You had a mixture of language here, some unusal and creative words which were great, then some such as "cry" & "heartache" etc that I've heard too many times before. Though no offense to people on this site but more are likely to understand this poem as it is, rather than if you used more words like "obscure" and "lechery"...anyway...
Your rhyming had the same issue. Some rhymes are fantastic and original, whilst others like "fears" and "tears," "high" and "cry" were the predictable sort.
My favourite lines were "How I wonder, as he sleeps
With obscure disbelief"
and
"This love, his love... could it be

Absolute,
Or just lechery?"
Hopefully you'll know why :)

Thanks for sharing.

This was such a sad love poem. i enjoyed every second of reading it. i could feel the emotions. Great job & keep writing wonderful poetry. 5/5

Awh. This was sooo good. It was sad.. But, really beautifully written. It flowed really well & the word choice was good. Though some was a bit 'cliche' as some of the rhymes were. But, it didn't take away much from this beautiful piece.

Awesome job, Hun.

Bri.x

Wow i love this poem! good work!

Wow, Just wow. I loved it. The flow and the strucutre was excellent. And your word choice and the way you used them was amazing. You are very talented, keep up the fantastic work.

Peace, Joe

Wow.. the structure was really weird as well as the rhyming pattern off.. however.. this poem was WOW.. really wonderful.. truley filled with emotion.. my only suggestion is in

"Absolute,
Or just lechery?"

take out the word just and make it
"Absolue,
or lechery"

i think it flows better but its just an opinion

And interesting format, that lends itself well to this piece. It has a flow and beat to it that I see rarely if at all, but it comes across coehesive and beautiful. Superb work. *5/5

The last comment should have started with 'An...' not 'And...' My apologies.

This poem was really lovely. enphasis on love. lol. i loved the flow and the wording you used was magic.

5/5 David

Omg i wish i could write like you you have so much to your poems that i can relate to

OMFG what an incredible and romantic poem. I loved it, and i loved especially your word choice, particularly using [could it be/lechery] as rhyming partners.
A wonderful poem! Wow
It belongs in an anthology.
5/5
~stephen white

It's awesome. Just simple, but it had a deep meaning. Beautiful choice of words and the rhythm was perfect. Kudos. XD

How poignant. The seeming simplicity and elegance of its structure, along with a bittersweet and heartwarming message, endears me completely. I further adore the following lines - so provocative to the mind:

"This love, his love... could it be

Absolute,
Or just lechery?"

It was a pleasure to read on the whole. Keep on writing what you feel and like. I hope you all the best and take care. 5/5

~Marian

Wonderful!
I really like the format.
It made for an excellent read.
The flow was excellent, the emotions heartfelt, and overall just a splendid peice.

Let your talent shine,
Elaine.

That was really good. I have yet to see anyone write a poem in that style and it was really made an amazing difference. Flow was good and as was the choice of words. Wonderful job : ]

Loved this entire piece. Heartfelt i'm sure so many people can relate to this in there own way. It was straight to the point simple but creative and sweet at the same time. The ending beautifully sad. A really great read. Well done on this one yet again wonderful.~mel

Uhh o man.. i feell in looove with it from the begginaing.. youre a talented writer hun.. wow.. amazing job. lovely words, lovely style

<3ang

So very true!
I bet me anda bunch of other ppl can relate to this poem. It is very heart felt good job!!!