Dying Deep Inside

Well done. The emtion seemed real and heartfelt, I like that. The flow was off, you started out non rhyming, than you switched to rhyming in some places. although the word choice was excellent, some rhmes felt a bit forced. The shortcuts you used (2 for to culd fro could) wasn't really a good idea. there isn't room for short cuts in a poem. I think you would have gotten better responses if you would have wrote things out alittle bit. but other than that I liked this poem, and I think that you did a good job. Keep writting. I am sorry if my comment seem harsh, but I am just being honest. thanks for all the comments

Wow.....this poem was soo awsome!!! i like this part "Can't escape so fast
But it doesn't seem like she can last
Her endless fears
Keep shedding more and more tears
Her tears drowning her very deep
Into a well long and steep" yup yup =) keep on writing cuz i really enjoyed this poem..

The words you used were good for effectively conveying the emotion you are feeling inside. Again though, I hated the "IM language" you used in your poetry. It makes your work look clumsy, as if you don't really care for your poetry to look its best.

Hye, this is a good read. I noticed you didnt have a proper rhyme scheme, yet the words oyu used were really effective. SOme of the rhymes were forced though. I can soemhow relate to htis poem, the vision of the mask and the real you who you feel no one acctually knows. A great read, keep writing and thanks for your ocmments! xx

Hey thats a good poem...sounds like what i used to go through until i found the love of my life!! hang in there...unexpected things happen all the time when u are at ur worst!!!