How do I feel

How do I feel
That's what you ask...
Well this smile isn't real,
It's only a mask

I hide up my pain
With laughs and friends...
The scars will remain
& the madness never ends

This reflection I see
Makes me want to scream...
I know it's me,
But i wish it was a dream...

I hate the person I am,
My past keeps pulling me down...
Does anyone even give a damn?
It's only my friends keeping me around...

I've lost best friends to death,
I have no relationship with family...
My chest hurts with every deep breath,
I have no idea what's happening...

I've gone to hell and back,
I can't even think anymore...
What was white is now black,
I'm hiding behind every damn door...

Friends tell me they care,
They to me are my life!
But they are the only ones there
Who can make me feel alright

Mom's not saying "I love you,"
Dad's not saying "I'm proud!"
Sister sometimes comes through,
Maybe i just got lost in the crowd...

Alls i need is someone
To watch and yell at me for nothing!
Who'll know how to have crazy fun,
That's basically all I am wanting