What should I do?

Here I lay wondering what happened. Fighting all the time with my friends, smoking pot, drinking, cutting myself for what this guy. Whats wrong with me. am I that pathetic. I cant loose my friends over a guy I just cant, but here I am without them. Sleepless nights, staying up, Wondering why I do this to myself. No one notices the pain im going through not even my dearest friend. Am I really that good at hiding my feelings. I look at my wrists and know I made a mistake but what do I do go hide and next time do it more. I cant sleep, cant eat all I can do is upset everyone I care for. Endless dreams about him but no one knows because I dont tell them. I think I can handle it by myself. But now that I lost my friends I dont think I can. What should I do?