Me and my sin

So many, too many lines about broken hearts,
Right now it's everything else in me hurting body parts,
I know what I want to be and it won't be easy,
Getting to size zero, like models on the T.V.

I wait for an empty house for it all to begin,
I begin my sour, sweet, progressing sin,
One finger first tickles my throat,
And my stomach starts to pull, I'm filled with hope.

So then I try two to encourage rejection,
And all my worries come flooding out,
I'm in pain but smiling inside,
A taste for me, was just fine.

Reaching over the toilet seat, on my knees,
My body is weak but I feel pleased,
I know too many people, who would be angry if they knew,
What I'm doing about my insecure truths.

How can I accept being loved when I cannot love myself,
I have tried and I have failed to see me,
As others see me, a blinding beauty,
But my reflection has not yet, failed to surprise me.

It is not an illness; it's my way to confidence,
It is not psychological it is logical,
I wish for no judgement or upsetting views,
Because I will never, ever wish to judge you.