Cursed

Pain in my being
Making my life turn
Hurt is a routine
That I live with everyday
Expecting it to strike
Every now and then
Forcing its way through my heart
Towards my soul to stab
Making it bleed
To fill up my veins
For without it I am dead
For my blood stopped pouring
When I became five and alive
I have gotten so used to it
Although it still strikes home
My eyes can not see
The paradise it seeks
Happiness comes and goes
Like rain in the spring
Trying my best
To swallow a drop of it
Sometimes I succeed
But the joy only lasts a second
I know this is going to be
I know I can not expect more
But I always tend to dream
Of a life that was the opposite of this
A life that should have been my mothers
A life that should have been my grandmothers
A life that should be mine
Sadly my fate was already chosen
From the time I was born
For being the first I must suffer
But for being a part of my family I was cursed
Although I hate it so deeply
I would not change my number
For seeing one of my baby sisters replacing me
I would suffer more than now
Tears drip from my eyes
Like blood running from a gash on the throat
Running like a pack of stampedes
Through a burning forest
Seeking refuge but never finding it
Until finally my eyes go hollow
Dead like a corpse prepared to be buried
I know that if not for me being in this family
I would not have suffered thus
But I would not change it
For my family make up for this curse
And I shall never replace them no matter how much it hurts