Only A Friend

"Thunder rolls through the blackening skies
As my eyelids fall over my lolling eyes
Acidic lies fall from the sky like rain
Burning my skin and rinsing the pain"

^^ I wasn't keen on "sky like rain" as it's commonly used, however I loved the usage of acidic lies here, it really captured my attention.

"Your cold shoulder causes my heart to freeze
Sending shivers down my spine with each breeze
Spinning in a lugubrious silence
With loneliness numbing my sense"

^^I didn'tlike this stanza..the first two lines seem of with the flow to me, and I didn't like the last two rhymes..maybe reword it or work on it a little?

"Laying on the floor gasping for breath
I perceive the dark visage of death
I realize why I died as I begin to descend
You came to regard me as only a friend"

^^You make up for the previous stanza with this one. The closing here is just beautiful, really hits the reader and tugs on the heart strings.

I think this is good, but not your best.

I really love dis poem

This poem is sad, but i like it. the words just kinda flowed like water, y'know? keep up the good work!!

I love the poem, sad ending, well written

Thats a really good poem!