bleed-for-you love me like me hate me for whatever it’s worth whatever it’s worth to you even if I put you through shards of aching misery just for you JUST FOR YOU with absolutely no regrets NO REGRETS I would do anything for you, my dear lady yes he is he is he is a gentleman for God’s sake finally! smart and talented too not to mention gorgeous yet I still say, I am not worthy I am not worthy yes I have deemed myself as such, yes you are no you’re not yes you are!noyou’renot!well whatev!?left in the vague cinematicity (oh-so-cinematic) of your shadowLiquefy me and then it’s a dim ballroom all swept off of my feet dissolve dissolve and then I cannot see it anymore the shadow the dimming marble room because the contrast the contrast of the waltz, tango, rumba, tangible two-step gets in the way our hearts, souls, glitter eyes, etc. that blind BLIND us (me, really) get in the way as the ballroom fades into oblivion fading caring nice nice you are and then the stars stars the stars not scars shine dazzle (razzle dazzle!) “glitterati, paparazzi†“debutante, celebutante†life LIFE flutters by or is caught in this rapture of wonderfulness WONDERFULNESS as this profound statement surfaces from him- “I found a place left in shambles, and made it beautiful just for you.†I ask what? And the too-soft (oh my gosh) reply “I am speaking of your heart.†He was speaking of my heart. my silent, silent beating heart, I always knew I ALWAYS KNEW someday someone would find me I always knew someone would find me here laying here as I’m lying here as I lie here -As I Lay Dying- I knew he, someone someday would SEE how lost I am “wake up†“wake up†my mother is somewhat trying trying to tell me tell me so hard and I try to but cannot listen I cannot replenish my distraught self I am too far away “so far away†so far too far now too far gone I need medication once again once again but I just know that soon perhaps it will mostly all be over the words the actions the STIFLING ugghh!! let go it will be let go! poor, poor… wasted time into being alone fighting over wasted time over finally FREEZE so … yes you will find me someone will !!! “Wake up, Cara. I have come to save you you are no longer out of reach too far gone or anything like that†and the reply “I like that.†(because I really will have) oh, an angel … Hug?hugs me kiss?kisses me want?wants what I want what we want “But I never thought myself worthy†and “NO! YES, love.you are TOO worthy, Don’t you ever EVER say that again … (OKAY!? his eyes read)†angry, and for good reason too, I suppose hug hugs me and then the too-long stored-up flow of deep red blood or clear finally flows out of me like a lost balloon stains stains my salt saline tear-stained pale? cheeks this red of sad sadness this red replaces the clear drops that I have held, sobbed for so long and then answers by only reading my glistened eyes the harrowed, severed question inside my mind - “You no longer have to hide, have to hide (be ashamed cry run beat yourself up walk away be so incredibly sad, lost stress out lose to you your own self) –anymore. Anymore. into forever and ever and you all will find me someone new someday sometime someway somehow somewhere far from here (Cisneros: “an outâ€) incredibly glowing sunny in the sheer loveliness deafening distraught, delicate polka dot embracing me me me only me me me yes me me me you me me me you and you you are you are here you are here you will NEVER leave me you will NEVER leave me we grow old old old this is antique love antiquated copper-toned sepia old-fashioned “arsenic and old lace†antique love we will be by then fashioned into this wondrous wonderful still, still still-going ever after EVER AFTER all these years “after all these years†“happily EVER AFTER†ever after
