Comments : A Child's Prayer

  • 16 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Omg!!.....Beautifully written touching and powerful peice!...short...but soo powerful!!........Perfect!....Good job!..

  • 16 years ago

    by Robert

    Intresting twist on an old classic it was good, the flow was abit off but good for a attempt Plot121

  • This is good. is it an excerpt or something you made up. anaway it is really good.5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Ashleigh Skye

    This was very different.. however I still really liked it. I really liked how you kept it short and inserted your own thoughts and feelings in the lines in between. Made it very unique a refreshing twist on the traditional. The only thing I have to critique on is to make sure that all of the i's are capitalized.. I know its just a tiny thing but it drives me crazy. Nice work. You are definatly one of the best poets on here, extremely underrated and I hope that you continue writing, cause your work astoundes me.

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    This poem was short but purely beautiful. The emotion seemed so deep and capturing from the first line onwards I couldn't tear myself away from this nicely penned poem. This is beautiful so amazed. Well done~mel

  • 16 years ago

    by Startle Me

    To be brutally honest with you, dearest
    I thought the old version was much better than yours.
    That would be me trying my best not to be mean.
    Although I liked what you added
    It just doesn't seem right.
    It's like your mother getting a new hair cut.
    You get weirded out, y'know?
    It just feels like that.
    But I do love this line...
    Promise me you'll survive,
    To bury me.
    I found that really sweet.
    My dad said that to me once. Lol.
    All in all, I'll give this a 4/5 :}

  • 16 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Hm. Not as good as the other one, but it's not bad. Just not my taste. The flow was off and so was the rhyming..

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

  • 16 years ago

    by ImNotPerfect20

    Hmm.. this is your take on a childs prayer. i thought it was very good.. Although i dont think i could part with the old way.. this is a fresh new outlook on it.. The flow was really good. i admire someone who can take something old and freshin it up.. lol anyway 5/5..

  • 15 years ago

    by StormyStar

    I loved how different it was.. you writting is so amazing and you are so talented and i love how touching your work is. lol. keep writting. i want to read more. lol.

  • 15 years ago

    by RavishingEruption

    I think that this should be in dark poems catagory
    it is very good not really rhyming but good flow non the less 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Cella Bella

    I like how you kept this short. It's almost like a "read between the lines" of a simple prayer. Although with it being a child's prayer, it's rather dark/morbid, and put's me on the sad side. However, it's a great poem, and it made me feel something. That's always an important part for a reader. 5/5


  • 15 years ago

    by CompletelyIncomplete

    Amen, this is great dear, I loved this piece and I thank you for writing this one. Great indeed. The word choice is simple and very effective. 5/5 with lots of love


  • 15 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    Once again short but very powerful, your words are hard hitting and true. The flow was once again great and most people can relate to the prayor. Excellent job 5/5 GG23

  • 15 years ago

    by Nix

    To be honest I don't like this one, I don't love prayers and I like just three lines of this poem:
    -Id trade sunlight,
    For Grey-blue eyes & dark skies.
    If i should die before i wake-
    They are great but the rest of it isn't too good. I think that you could write this one better and make stronger atmosphere. That is just my opinion but I don't like it.

  • 15 years ago

    by Void

    Well, I might as well come out and say it. I don't mean to, but I do pay attention to grammar. I used to be horrible at it, and I still have some issues with it; thus, in my attempt to better my knowledge of it, alot of my attention is focused on grammatical errors.
    That, in itself, distracted me from your words... If I knew it was just me that felt that way about reading poetry, I wouldn't be telling you this. I know alot of people who give a harsher critique because of grammar - and I think you would do much better in provoking thought, if you just fixed it up a bit.

    To get on with it though...

    I like that you took a well known poem and made it into something like this though. Those of us who recognize it might appreciate it for everything it is, or of course shut it down and fight over it. Both, if you ask me, are a form of attention given to your writing - so I think you may just get all you want, if you're positive that all you want from your poetry is your readers to think and react. I guess I can come to the conclusion, that you did a pretty good job here.
    Not one of my favourites from you though.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Ohh so beautiful... such wonderful lines...
    very refreshing poem...

    loved it...

    keep writing...

  • 14 years ago

    by H E Losey

    Does the word "PLAGIARISM" happen to have a meaning here?

  • 14 years ago

    by My Mistakes was well writtin, i like it. so you poem made me fell like qustioning the reality of god....dont think thats what you were aiming for but thats how i felt

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    This was really good, so short yet spirited and sweet. Shows alot of simplistic emotion that children feel.
    Loved it
    love Tara