All alone

by bleeding limegrenn   May 16, 2007


Listen
to the rain
its drawing me closer
i open the door to worn drops on my face
like the tears i once cryed my self to sleep with
until i met you
lightening lights my path, walking with rain dripping down my face
walking through the school yard the wind blowing
the constant creek of the swings rocking back and forth
lightening flash with a crackle in the back ground then one again a flash of lightening and the i was gone

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by SHATTERED no chance of being put back together

    I like this one its short but so descriptive & thanx for being honest about my poem i really appreciate its kinda funny cuz i thought the same things about u did i just couldnt think of a way to fix it

  • 16 years ago

    by PaperHearts

    Heyy im not goin to point out errows cuz its ur writeing n im bad at spelling i love the poem awesome job

  • 16 years ago

    by Debbie

    "it(')s drawing me closer" -- to what? And/Or, where?

    "like the tears i once [cried] [myself] to sleep with"

    Lightening = Lightning

    Existingly, this work is in an unsystematic state. First, the title is rather incongruous to its contents. Second, the substance is jumbled with incoherent themes. A revision of this piece is rendered necessary.

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    The flow was a tad off
    do to the shortness and longness of your lines
    but the message behind it was good
    so nice work

  • 16 years ago

    by Syed

    Well done...

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