Making scenes

Making a scene is not difficult at all for me,
I thrive on attention positive or negative,
it all feels the same, and makes people see,
What wasn't there before hits them now with a fierce power of shock, they don't understand they think it's disrespectful, a way for me to mock.

Making no scene is also not difficult to do,
If u think about it, it will make you want to run and hide to, but making no scene, will make me fade away like the wind, a shadow or memory of something that use to be, a thing of the past, something no one will linger on someone who couldn't last.

To tell the truth I don't know which is better, to fade or to thrive on something so fearful?
I am tired of pretending tired of saying I'm OK, tired of only existing when they notice I am tearful.

There is nothing to do now any more, no more shock, no more existence, no more hurt no more emotions, just me and my scenes, all the way from a place called not far from hell, nothing more to say, nothing more to tell.

Making a scene is not hard for me,
Making no scene is neither,
both of these make me sad,
not one of them work, so i shall not use either.