Untitled.

by Yourmyangel   Jun 6, 2007


Hey baby!He said that night when he called her..
But all he got was a hi.
baby,Are you OK ?baby
Then the phone went to a dial tone..
what the hell '' thought..
he tried to call back.but there was no answer..
He kept trying for another hour..
The it hit him..
Wow shes been acting really depressed lately..
And today when she asked me what i would do if she died.
I thought that was really weird.
So i told her that i would die with her if that meant the only way i could be with her..And then he though..Oh my god shes going to kill herself.So he got in his car to go to her house and stop her..He cried the whole way there.Till he lost control of his car right before you get to her house..He was killed instantly..It was 10:26pm..Everyone found out about it on the 11 O'clock news.When he parents found out.they went to the girls room to tell her..And they found her lying in her own blood..The coroner said she died at 10:26pm..

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Anonymous Angel

    Hey,
    its just a sad story, in one of the last lines you write when he parents found out, I think you meant his parents, furthermore I think that the flow is a but off, so I give you 4/5..
    kisses stephanie

  • 18 years ago

    by MaSkEdSoUl

    I think I've read something like this. Anyways it was good but I think if you fix it up a bit it'd be better. Theres some lines that you forgot to put them like this one:

    "what the hell '' thought"

    This should've been written up like: "what the hell" he thought...

    I also think if you re-word a couple of words it'd be a lot better, maybe put it into stanzas too? I dont know, just my opinion. Keep it up!

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