Excellent paula! I love this poem. 5/5 great job

Wow that was so sad really made me depressed 5/5 maybe u can read one of mine.

Alright.
Your first stanza.
Porch made out of clay?
It's possible...
But it's extremely hard.
I don't think anyone would do that.
If they didn't.
Then your rhyming just seemed force there.

[[She bleeds inside]]
but no one see's
the hurt and pain or
[[the ((tear's)) that run free.]]

First one.
She bleeds inside?
A bit overdramatic, doncha think?

Second one.
It doesn't really flow that well.

Third one. (())
It's "tears", m'lady :]

Umm...
Okay.
Suicidal story much?

I don't like your ending
Or anything suicidal.
I dont' know if I've said this to you before.
But I used to be suicidal as well.
And I don't really want to go back to that life again.

4.5

OMG ELAINE THATS SO SAD!!! thats really sad, and I get the lonely feeling from it to, the flow was great too! awwww its so sad!!!

Lucy xoxoxo

I enjoyed it, and to the portch made of clay i like it, its different. Well done alot of emotion well done, and well written. :) 5/5

Awww. elaine this really was so beautiful and soo sad, i loved how you ended it with what you started it as well.... so gorgeously sweet.
5/5
gabriella

Wow..thts deep and sad..the rhyming was good until the 4th stanza..then the flow sorta got off but it was pretty good 4/5

This is so heartbreaking to read, and yet so beautifully written at the same time...
I love the 'porch made out of clay' and I love how you swapped from sitting to lying dead at the beginning and end, made a very powerful effect to the poem...you did a great job on such a sad topic.

Wow, there's a lot of depth to this poem. "There consuming her whole." should be [They're] And the line "upon a porch made of clay" Taking the word made out would give it a nicer flow. Overall I thought this was a great piece. 5/5

marcella

Aw tragic :| I like the way you repeated the opening stanza in the end. Flow was smooth, I like the emotions running in this poem, well done. I think everyone can relate to this poem. Keep writing!

This poem is so heartbreaking... but very well written... the imagery is amazing... and it's a very relatable poem... sometimes it's easy to feel like giving up on everything but the people around you keep you going... it's sad that isn't always the case. Nice poem... I love it! Definatly a 5/5 from me! Take care :-) I've really enjoyed your poems~ Hope you like the ones you read of mine as well!~

This wasn't the best poem I've read of yours, but it's very beautiful, and very heartbreaking. The flow was great, only rough in one area, and the wording was beautiful. Great job!

5/5