Life i left behind

by firexdancer   Jun 11, 2007


Roses open slowly to reveal the color inside,
vivid in their brightness, so gloriously divine,
but some have no option but to hide.
no longer to stand do i lean against the wall,
you do not need to hold my hand, i can walk,
or i can fall.
from now on I've decided that my life is mine alone,
i don't need someone else to hold me up,
i have my own home.
so don't you ever speak to me or brush against my skin,
i have to find my own will to survive in this world,
and if i cannot then i will die, it is my sin.
i will try to fly with all my might and soar into the sky,
maybe i can breathe the day, and maybe the night,
i know I'm not strong, but i can try.
i stare around the walls to see nothing but the glass,
the memories underneath of a time i cannot reach,
so beautiful and happy was the past.
but i am in the future now i cannot waste more time,
I'll live or i shall die and smile during the whole rhyme,
even though I'll miss the life i left behind.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
okay, please comment this poem honestly, I've been kinda brain dead for awhile so i would just like to know if this is any good or not.
thanks, Gabriella

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    Sorry, but I don't like it. You could to wrote it better, atmosphere could be stronger and flow is a little bit off. This is just my opinion, this one is interesting, it isn't bad, but your other poems are deeper and you can use some more metaphors.

  • 16 years ago

    by Sydney

    I thought this was really good. Sometimes it was hard to find the flow but it usually came back into place : ] Your descriptions and vocabluary were great. Good job

  • 16 years ago

    by Kalee

    I found the flow to be a bit off putting. It was not consistent. it is a bit hard to read at times. once i got through that it was a good poem. 5/5

    Kalee

  • 16 years ago

    by Debbie

    Actually I find its flow tad inconsistent. The whole piece further could use a bit of restructuring. (It's quite difficult to read.) But, even so, I'll give you my props for the effort you had exerted to produce this piece. all the best and take care

  • 16 years ago

    by Georgi

    Hey girlie. I gave this a 5, the flow i thought was excellent and the rhythm and rhyme where u used it was good too. imagery was perfect and your vocab - ace =]
    i dont think you need to worry at all about writers block or anything.
    well done chica =]
    take care
    Geo
    if u have time, please comment my latest? =]

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