Comments : Fire

  • Wow...beautiful..the heat of fire..amazing 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by LuvLyLynn

    Very very wonderful poem indeed it is...Very deep and meaningful lol...I loved it, you got real talent...keep on writing, i look forward to reading more of you work...^_^ I give this a 5/5...

  • 16 years ago

    by luv Shelbz luv

    WOW brilliant. A very different poem. I love it. That's why I added it to my favorites. 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by nikki

    It was a beautiful piece. interesting to me, it kept me reading through the whole thing, i just couldn't take my eyes off, great work. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I found thid to be interesting and creative.
    However at times I thought it read more like a story than a poem.
    I found there were quite a lot of fillers in (I, and etc) which disrupted the flow.
    I loved the last line, I thought it was beautiful.

  • 16 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    An unusual poem but worked well. I like the way you used fire to create all kinds of conotations :D xxx alex xxx

  • 16 years ago

    by Shinobi

    Nice poem. A fire of love is created, no need of wood, a single sprak can start a relationship. Liked the structure and rhyming, well done 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Very good poem... Once I got to look past your structure. Structure is a very big part of writing poetry. At least you have stanza's down.

    Now first things first. You capitalize the first word of each line. It might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Next you get rid of 'slang' and shortening of words. Then you use GRAMMER: commas and periods. But I have to say the biggest thing of all.. Is capitalizing your I's. For example:

    A flash
    burning, & breathing
    different from streaks in sky
    this is strange
    it does not disappear easily

    Changes into: (also: different from streaks in sky? don't you mean 'the sky')

    A flash,
    Burning and breathing.
    Different from streaks in the sky
    This is strange,
    It does not disappear easily.

    Makes it seem much more like poetry. Now for your flow. (Flow is the rhythm and beat of your poem) Your flow is very choppy and unorganized. The best way to fix that is to make sure you have about the same amount of slyables in each line:

    A flash, (2)
    Burning and breathing. (5)
    Different from streaks in the sky (10)
    This is strange, (3)
    It does not disappear easily. (9)

    In this case you would want to have around 5 or 6 slylables.. so.. 5,6, or 7. or 4,5,or 6.

    I'll show you this example and then you won't have to listen to me anymore ;) .. :

    A flash blinds the earth, (5)
    Burning and breathing. (5)
    Different from normal sky (7)
    This little wonder is strange, (7)
    The flash fades so slowly. (6)

    Flow is much better.

    Well I hope I helped you.

    Overall the idea of your poem was great :)

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Ohh this is wonderful.

    I love the use of metaphors in this piece.

    Imagery in this is simply breathtaking, it created such beautiful visuals for the reader.

    I thought it flowed well throughout the whole piece and that ending..wow. So beautiful and stunning, very intense.

  • 16 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    Very creative. i do have one suggestion

    changing this line
    "i want to hide inside of myself"
    to
    "i want to hide inside myself"

    i dont know, it just looks and sounds better to me that way.
    either way, great poem
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by your love is mine

    I love the last line, but i really liked the poem too. Nice job=)

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This poem was pretty good. Yeah, it was a bit rough, because there was no real rhythm. But, at least you say what is on your mind when it comes to poetry. I love the whole title of "Fire" and then at the end you kind of use that title more.. which was very neat and creative. :) I think you did a nice job here, but if I were you.. I'd just stick with the rhyming. Your rhyming poems are not terrible at all. Maybe that's your thing. At least I think it is. I'm nto saying non-rhyming poems are bad or anything, they aren't. I love writing them. It comes to me easier and I let out sooo much that I'm feeling. We all have our strengths in poetry, and I think yo'ud do amazing with the continuing of rhyming poetry... That's just a opinion. I don't really care for this non-rhyming poetry of yours.. becaues it doesn't have that flow that rhyming poetry does. Up to you completely, I'm just giving you my thoughts. :) All in all, a great poem with a wonderful title that you used almost perfectly throughout the entire poem. Great work. Keep improving. 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Quietly Versed

    I liked this piece simply for the accomplishment of imagery. While i think you could still revise some words for better effect, I could see and almost feel the fire you spoke of in this poem.

  • 14 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    A flash
    burning, & breathing
    different from streaks in sky
    this is strange
    it does not disappear easily

    ^^ very good imagine and very nicely writen. not a bad way of opening your poem here.

    bright
    warm and peaceful
    it does not light up whole land
    blackens earth
    it is warmer the closer i get

    ^^ hmm.. the flow was off here and idk just sumthing else was missing here. it didnt touch me like i would want it too.

    gone
    strange and wonderful
    it has ceased to flicker in the night
    yet now
    i still feel it when he is near

    F
    I
    R
    E

    ^^ whatcha feel wen he is near i can relate i can realte cuz i feel like that n nervous n cool at the same time wen mi chicko is near me.

    yes i remember now
    a great fire when i look at him
    i feel strange, small
    i want to hide inside myself

    ^^ aww.. this was cute. i liked it. i for one i feel smaller wen am next to him but protective.

    fire
    it is not gone
    even though it burned out
    i can still feel it inside myself
    but then
    not all fire is created through sticks

    all it takes is a spark

    ^^ omg i do like how you ended your piece here. nicely done.
    4/5 for me

    TaKe CaRe,
    Frenchy

  • 14 years ago

    by Levi

    Interesting to say the least.

    I like this piece it gave me the feeling of a relationship starting from just a single spark of probably lust or some relationship which involved a guy which you believed to stand out of the crowd maybe a first love lost cause the embers are always there and all it woul d take to reignite the flames would be a spark..

    i'm not sure if this is the purpose but thats all i got i'm afraid.. Though the poems itself was well written :)