You Ripped My Heart Out

I'm not really sure what to say to this. It's sad... it's angry... all appropriate for the subject matter. BUT.... (I know.. the dreaded but)

Any writing is on the basis of show not tell. You are TELLING us what you thought. You are TELLING us what you felt. But you are not showing us. When you write a poem, story, sonnet, etc. you want to paint a picture for the reader. You also you an amazing amount of repitition. ME ends almost every line.

As far as emotion goes, this is great :-)