Who needs the sun?

by Lauren Waszkiewicz   Jul 10, 2007


I don't need the sun
I got you, you're the only one.
for me, I don't have to see,
to know the truth, that it's you.

I'll know it's you by your smell,
It's so sweet, it's easy to tell.
and by the way you hold on tightly,
like you'll never let me go.
and the way you kiss me lightly.
it isn't be hard for me to know.

It is you, my only love.
You are the light that's shining deep,
and you know how it is true
That I don't have to see
To know that you're the only one,
The other piece that completes me.

So turn the out lights.
Let's live in the night,
and you can hold me tight,
till the morning sun shines bright.

So when the sun begins to shine
our hands will intertwine;
I'll know that you'll be mine
not just today, but all the time.

And we'll spend our lives in darkness.
'Cause we don't need the sun.
I'll know you from a mile away
'Cause there's no denying you're the one...

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  • 16 years ago

    by TwistedAngel xx

    Sweet beginning to the poem.
    Made me want to read more and see where the poem would head.

    The second line was real darling, I love it when people describe their feelings of love. Makes me think of mine and then gets me all happy. ^_^

    "To know that you're the only one,
    The other piece that completes me."

    ^^^
    I love those lines. I really do believe in the idea of soulmates and that was a really gorgeous way of explaining that notion.

    "So turn the out lights.
    Let's live in the night,
    and you can hold me tight,
    till the morning sun shines bright."

    ^^^
    The rhyming in those lines, was genius and made me feel all warm and fuzzy. what a beautiful love poem.

    The last two sections were simply wonderful and a brilliant end to a great poem.

    You def have a way with words.

    well done
    ^_^

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    That was soo beautifully written! The flow was good, the word choice was decent, and the concept was beautiful! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I know it's a concrete poem,
    but could you capitalize your i's =]

    back to the poem.

    Okay, this poem is definitely a song =] I can see these as lyrics to one, or maybe I just am crazy.
    But anyway, this is OK, I mean, I think I would have liked it much better if it looked like more work was put into it (which, it being a concrete poem, more was probably put in it).

    It is very difficult changing a concrete poem into a regular verse poem,
    because it changes its shape. It changes the meaning, and therefore what I am ready isn't really what you wrote.

    So I can't really comment completely and honestly on this piece.
    Would you care to describe how you formatted the concret poem originally?

    5/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 16 years ago

    by nikki

    Wow i loved it, it was so sweet. it had alot of emotions behind it. i thought it was amazingly written. 5/5

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