You Could See

by redangel   Jul 11, 2007


You could see the scars on my arm
but you can you see the one inside
the one on my heart
the one that HURTS

You could see the droops of blood
but can you see the drops above
the ones that come from my soul
the ones i want YOU TO DRY

You could see death coming for me
but can you see him next to me
the one that watches over me
the one i TRUST

THAT WHAT I SEE,
CAN YOU?

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Espoirfailed

    This has good potential. it is a fairly original idea, and the form is good. however i think the wording is slightly off- it seems like it has been written in anger (this is great because you can feel the raw emotion) however it is probably not grammatically the best way to write a poem.

    if you want to develop it i suggest rereading it and correcting errors, e.g. the second line.

    alternatively you could leave it as an emotional vent.

    good luck
    xx

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