I surrender (part 2)

So I took the razor
Down from my shelf
I cleaned the blade
I sat, naked on my bed
Surveying my body
Razor in hand
Where should I cut today?
My legs are scarred
With dark red lines
The story of the days
When I listened
To the sweet red voice
Of my favourite razor
Pink handle
Red and silver blade
As sharp as hell
I score my wrist
And drink the blood
Feeling bliss flood me
Relief from all other pain
Now I can ignore
The throbbing in my head
The pain of knowing
That I will never be enough
And always too much
However hard I try
I am so bad at life
I cannot be free
So I make incarceration
A hell for my gaolers
They curse me for it
And I feel only sweet
Sweet relief
I can live in the hell
I have created
I built it myself
With vicious hands
A sharp tongue
And eyes of dark fire
I am a demon
I belong in hell
It is more my home
Than any place on earth

Reason has a quiet voice
A self righteous little whisper
"Don't do it Helen,
You'll only feel worse
When somebody finds out."
But it will make me
Feel good now
And right now
Now is all that matters
I will face tomorrow
Only when it faces me
And not before.