The sky is all gray sunlight reflected in my
gray eyes that burn with lost dreams and forlorn hope,
the dull light creeping slowly through my window
until all is not quite dark, but far from
the brightness of a sunny day,
and it fits my mood
as I sit here and smoke too many cigarettes,
smoke too much weed, drink too much lager or rum,
and pop xanax and vicodin and whatever
other pharmaceuticals are at hand,
trying desperately to make this feeling go away,
just to escape from myself for awhile,
just to make it through another day,
for it seems I can only find myself when I'm lost,
the gray sunlight fading away into blackness,
and the darkness embraces me in numbness and
oblivion and a strange enlightenment,
and for a little while brings a bit of
peace to my corpse.
