Hunger and Irrationality

I tell myself
The only reason I stare
Is for the frankness and beauty
I see lying there

Bone by bone
My addiction grows strong
Somehow, through heartache
I learn my own song

I lie to others
Say my addictions' the mirror
When in reality
It's only the fear

Fear of surrender
Of loss of control
To fall to the hunger
And be forced to console

Sobbing over porcelain
In dirty deceit
I empty myself
From the poison I eat

The side effects are hidden
The result in plain sight
But which one is better?
Failure or delight?

At first I doubt
The symptoms they write
But, symptom by symptom,
They take over my life

Counting, measuring
Comparing to the impossible
I swear at myself
And avoid the inevitable

But look and feel
Are two different views
One is the truth
The other a ruse

The beauty of my illness
Is being unable to tell
Which road leads to happiness
And which is to hell