I Miss You, Im So Sorry

I miss your existence,
the smell of your perfume.
i hide the bottle in my room so no one can use it,
only you.
i hide the things you loved through out the house so daddy wont through them away,
i know even though its been to years,
he really misses, till this day.

I know the last thing i said to you before you got sicker was i hate you, i really didn't mean it, but it hurt me when you said it too.
I know you didn't mean to hit me all the time,
i forgave you for that.
i even forgave you,
when you stabbed me in the chest.
everyday when i look at that scar i remember you.
i know the alcohol helped taking the best of you.

when we lost grandpa, that was the time we started loosing you,
i know you missed him, you told me so.
when you got up in the middle of the night and wandered out into the woods, i followed you and would hear you calling his name
i heard you crying, remembering he was gone,
i started crying too.

We fought a lot i remember that,
but i know we had good times too.
i used to take you out in the boat all day,
we'd talk about everything on our minds.
you gave me advice about life
it helps me out even till this day.
i hear your voice in my mind with every decision i make each day.

i miss you so much, i just hope you know,
i really did love you,
that never changed.
i know you were sick thats why you were the way you were,
i wish you wouldn't have died, cause i really want to tell you how sorry i am
for not loving you the way i should have.

***this is a poem about my grandma, she died 2years ago after being sick for 10 years. she got worse after my grandfather died. i miss her so much. please comment or rate it would mean a lot. thanks.