Broken Man

by Numb6661   Aug 26, 2007


This is the story about a broken old man
who sits on this unknown piece of land
waiting and listening for someone to here his call
while he's moving towards his final fall

no one hears him in his final hour
even though he is calling with all his power
calling out for people, telling them all the burdens he bears
but the sad truth is that no one really cares

so in his final hour he sits alone waiting to die
knowing that he won't make anyone cry
when he is gone what will he have left behind
nothing at all as he defines

he will leave nothing at all
not even that faint call
now he lies looking at the sky
waiting to die

so now you know about this broken old man
who sits on this unknown piece of land
knowing that death is soon to be
that broken man is me

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Deana

    Excellent first poem,the rhyming was good and you could feel the sadness. keep them coming.

  • 16 years ago

    by babblingxbrooke

    Wow, for a first poem it was truely amazing! The emotion poured out of it and left me wanting more! Excellent job!

    Brooke<3

  • 16 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Very well done, the flow was great and i loved the imagery. The wording was great, full of emotion and power.
    love Tara-Kay
    x

  • 16 years ago

    by Adelle

    I liked the 3 middle stanzas but the first and last I did not you started it as a story, and not as a poem and you ended it in the same way. Your wording in the 3 middle stanzas was very well thought out, but this poem needs some punctuation.

  • 16 years ago

    by Princess of snow

    This is an amazing piece.
    I find it sad, and I like how you
    wrote it. I think it's very detailed.
    I like how each line is written. I give
    this a 5/5!!

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