Snow White: By Kathryn, Kaylee, Devon and Danielle

Most of the fairy tales that you know
Often start with "A long time ago."
But this one is different, it's not like the rest.
It's really quite awkward and often quite messed.
Our tale begins in a castle so grand,
The most haunted building in all of the land.
The floorboards, they squeaked. The large doors, they creaked,
And all of the people who lived there were bleak.
But one girl was different, for she seemed to glow.
Her skin was as white as white as the snow.
Her evil stepmother, who was always so cruel
Needed to kill her in order to rule.
The girl was a princess, though no one could tell,
'Cause she was enslaved and did not dress well.
"Should I just stab her and let her blood drain?"
Pondered the queen as she plotted her reign.
"Or should I just put her into a box,
Filled to the brim with smelly old socks?
I know," she said with a grin on her face.
"I'll get my brave Woodsman to take her some place.
There he will stab her when she lies to rest,
And he'll bring her heart back to me in a chest."
She called up her Woodsman and told him the plan,
And he left the room with a knife in his hand.
He took poor Snow White to the thick of the woods.
The air was so cold she put up her hood.
After what seemed like ,many long hours,
Snow White Lay to sleep in a bed of soft flowers.
The Woodsman walked up to where she lay down,
But as he raised the knife, he started to frown.
"I cannot do this," he said to the trees.
"I can't get this done for I love her you see."
And at that one moment, the princess awoke.
"I don't love you, you creepy old bloke!
Your hair is all greasy. Your nose is not clean,
And whenever I see you, you always act mean!"
"You mean little brat! Get out of my site!"
Said the old Woodsman, ready to fight.
Snow White she got scared. She turned and she ran,
Deep into the woods to a small piece of land.
A small wooden cottage sat on a hill.
Nothing was moving. All life was still.
Inside the home, she saw layers of dust,
Cobwebs and spiders, and smells of old must.
Ignoring the mess, she walked up the stairs,
Assuming that no one surely lived there.
She soon fell asleep on seven small beds.
On the top of each head board, the stupid names read:
Dopey and Mopey, Ronald and Poe,
Happy and Nappy and Billy-Bob-Joe.
She had just gone to sleep when she woke with a start,
To find seven faces, peering through the dark.
She fell out of bed and stepped on a nail.
She cursed and she swore and loudly she wailed.
The seven small things, they ran to her aid.
Bringing her Band-aids and cherry Kool-aid.
As they drew near, Snow White could smell beer,
Her arms and her legs trembled in fear.
"Get out of our house!" shrieked Billy-Bob-Joe.
"Do you not understand or is your brain just too slow.
We do not house the homeless, so get out of our sight.
We will not feed you but be careful we bite!"
"I don't wish to stay in your humble abode,
But what can i do? I cannot hit the road.
I'm supposed to be dead with a knife through my heart.
My life needs some meaning. Where on earth should i start?"
"Wait just one minute, are you skilled with a broom?"
Said Billy-Bob-Joe as he circled the room.
Snow White quickly nodded. "OK, may I stay?
I'll make your house clean and I'll keep it that way!
But promise me this; get rid of your beer.
A drunken old dwarf is my number one fear."
"Fine we'll get rid of then, if it's our fate.
But on one condition; we must go on a date."
"No way!" Snow White screamed. "You've now got your maid.
And what a great deal as I'm not getting paid.
So if you need your house cleaned and want it done well,
You should get me a brand new computer from Dell."
"We'll do that later," quickly, said Poe.
"But as for right now, we have to go!
Our work in the mines is not yet done.
Enjoy your work. We hope you have fun!"
The door slammed behind, then the click of a lock.
All was silent but a tick and a tock.
She looked at the clock. It read ten after three.
"To make this house clean, it's all up to me!"
She washed all the dishes, the shelves and the floors.
She vacuumed the carpets and dusted the doors.
After all that, her work had not ended.
She took all their clothes, which he washed and she mended.
She only stopped once for a knock on the door.
As she ran to answer, she slipped on the floor.
She laid there unconscious, for hours or more
And awoke to a face she'd not seen before.
"Hello my dear, are you feeling alright?"
Said as old hag through the dark of the night.
"What happened?" asked Snow White while holding her head.
"You slipped and you fell. I'm surprised you're not dead.
Here, have a pie. I feel sorry for you.
It's stuffed with marshmallows, so remember to chew."
"Thank-you so much, you kind-hearted fellow.
How did you know that I loved marshmallows?"
The hag began cackling, as Snow White took a bite,
And she swung with a bat, using all of her might.
Snow White, with a thud, on the floor she dropped dead,
As a thick flow of blood gently oozed from her head.
"Ha, ha!" shrieked the hag. "My deed is now done.
Snow White is dead, and I've had my fun.
Off to the castle, now that her blood's drained.
Back to my home to plot out my reign!"
The had dissolved into thin air
And instead of the hag, the queen stood there.
With one evil laugh, she left the wood house.
Then, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse.
The dwarfs came home to find on the floor,
Their housemaid spread eagle, blocking the door.
"Oh woe is us!" cried Ronald and Poe.
"Our house won't stay clean and she'll have to go."
"I really don't care. I sleep the whole day!"
Said Nappy while yawning and walking away.
"Now, wait just a minute, we don't need to fret.
She's probably sleeping, she'll wake up I bet!"
Said Happy to Mopey, who was now crying.
"she may not be sleeping? Maybe she's dieing?
There's blood on the floor, oh Lord, can't you see?
Que Serra Serra, whatever will be."
"Oh my dear friends, it will be alright.
Let's put her in a tree and leave her for the night."
Dopey then laughed at what he had said.
"The most funny thing has come to my head!
We'll make a glass coffin and place her in there,
And fill it with fish so the smell fills the air.
"Oh what a plan," said Happy to his friends.
"This suits her the best. The most wonderful end!"
The moral of the story is as plain as can be.
Housework is a killer, so set all women free.
And it just goes to show you should never eat pie!
The calories alone just might make you die!