I'm scared

When i talk to him on the phone,
all i can do is smile.
when every i look into his eye's,
i see my whole life a head of me.
when he holds me in his arms,
i feel as if nothing could ever hurt me.
but when he kisses me i feel my husband.
i feel my husband wright there by my side,
telling me to go a head be happy please don't cry.
i mean i want to go on with my life,
i promise i do.
but i just help help to wonder,
what would my husband do?
what would my husband do,
if he saw Me with another man?
what would he do,
if he saw he holding his hand?
what would he do if,
i kissed him and told him i loved him?
would he hate me for trying to be happy again?
or tell me,
go wright ahead, be happy, go and make new friends.
i mean every time i look into my kids eye's i see him watching me,
every time i hear them tell me they love me,
i hear him....
but i'm just scared that i'm going to lose him
but finding someone else...
please if you read this..i need some help....