Last

I could feel the look in their eye - and I wanted to
But then I was blinded by the hurt I knew you'd feel
So I never gave them what they wanted:
The soft graze as lip meets lip
And I felt their breath sigh against my ear
As all their efforts proved fruitless
Until, at last they gave up and walked away

I thank them in the most sarcastic way
My mind can't escape them - the seed of doubt planted
Ready to bloom and let all Hell loose.
They have made me see just what waiting entails
And each time saying "No" will get harder,
I only just stopped myself, and what I hate the most
Is the stain of regret, like blood on my clothes.

All my feelings are bubbling away again
And after this long I'm not used to thinking of anyone but you
Guilt, anger, the impending hurt
So strong already, as I come to realise what I don't want to know:
My heart is yours
But the rest of me needs someone else to hold
I wish that I could last this on my own.

Whatever I do will hurt someone.
So tell me where the gain of all this chastity is:
We're morally corrupt and going to Hell already,
But I shouldn't make excuses for what I know is wrong,
I wish I were strong, with strength of heart.
Can you do this alone?

I wish I could answer myself.