Future I dreaded

As I sit here all alone,
I feel like my head got put in a cone.
There's so much pressure in and around my head,
I would be better off dead.
I can no longer see where I'm headed,
But now I've reached the future I've always dreaded.
The things I truly do need, are the things I lack,
Love, comfort, to belong,all things I want back.
I feel so rejected and replaced,
How can all memory of me so quickly be erased?
My life,
Is just a constant strife.
I thought I meant something to some,
How could I be so dumb?
I knew I really meant nothing, so why had I believed,
When all along I knew I was being deceived.
Why does life leave me with all this shit?
I would rather stand in front of a car, be hit.
What my purpose is, I'm not sure,
For my confusion, is there a cure?
Sometimes I break down and cry,
I ask myself questions, most beginning with why.
Why must I endure this pain,
It's pointless, there's nothing to gain.
For once I want to be truly happy,
Instead of always feeling so crappy.
Maybe it would be better if I disappeared,
Then my disappearance can be cheered.
Without me, the world would be a better place,
No more would I be a disgrace.
I wouldn't be missing, cuz I haven't even been seen,
How can life be so mean?
Life is a struggle,
I'd be better off, with knives, trying to juggle.
I try to let go of my past,
But my future has become that fast.
My past is my future, my future looks dead,
So much confusion builds up in my head.
I feel so empty and alone,
I'm deteriorating, soon I will be no skin, just bone.
Getting hit by a train,
I would feel way less pain.
As darkness grips around me,
I wonder, is this the way it must be?
I want an escape from it all,
It's so hard to keep standing tall but easy to fall.
Every time I fall I get back on my feet,
But I just fall even harder, so cover me with that sheet.
Forget about me,
Everyone else has, can't you see?