Truthfully Speaking

When I look into your eyes,
My heart says look away.

You know why i avoid you,
If you don't you should;
I avoid you because i still have major feelings for you.

Feelings?
Yes, feelings.

Seeing you across the room,
Picturing how we kissed,
Thinking of how we used to laugh whenever we thought the same,
Asking myself why,
Why you had to go.

I know i shouldn't write things like this,
It isn't good for your health to be miserable all the time
But I can't think of anything else to do
That will rid my mind of all this heartache.

Writing this makes me sound like I am begging you to come back,
I am not begging or pleading, I just want to be with you once more;
You were so damn good to me,
Why did you have to go?

Is it because of me?
Is that why you left?
Or was it that you wanted something more?
Wasn't I willing to give you the world?
Or did I make my presence too obvious?

I am only saying one thing,
And that thing would be,
That I miss you,
And I will always love you.

Since you left,
All that has crossed my mind was when I made you leave,
When I was angry, and told you I hoped you rotted in Hell.

I think that was the reason this all went down;
All this trauma for me and your momma.

Ever since then,
I have only had one true wish,
To see you again,
And to be able to say I am sorry.

I love you and miss you.

this poem is dedicated to Robert Williams Jr. who was my first love, who also committed suicide before my eyes. I hope you learn not to take loved ones for granted, because i sure did, and not a day goes by that i don't think about it.

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XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO