Once again I'm sitting here letting the blood fall, It looks like the floor is taking a bath in it. They say thinga that feel oh so good are wrong, People look at me and put their heads down. I sometimes feel they are ashamed of me when they put their heads down and just shake their head, The way I feel nobody understands the promblems I'm facing I have to face them by myself. The answers I look for I have to find myself, And the questions that don't have answers buzz in my head all day. I get mad when people bring up fathers and family, I get mad and would quicky run to the blade. Yes I know my family loves me dearly but the question is why are they so ashamed of me? I see life as living as hell, school is too hard, and the life I'm living isn't fair, I hate it when people say my words are shit they dont mean nothing sometimes I would believe them and block out and burn everything I every wrote. Its hard to explain what I'm going threw and words would never be enough to explain, You won't imagine the things I did to hurt myself. Its to bad to even say, Sometimes I punched myself in the head when I don't get the answers I'm looking for. Its not even fight the way I feel, And the way people look at me makes me feel like even more shit. I sometimes cry I might lose my life and its just not right, I pray everyday that I live until I'm suppose to I don't want to die nobody does. But I'm the stupid one that's freaking playing with my life, I have kidney stones and everytime I get the pains I don't say nothing because I hate hostipals. But that's just making them worst we can't find a freaking specailist and that's what we need, They are growing and they aren't going to stop. I don't want to die its hard because everybody tells me "alissa you can't play with this, this is serious your kidney could explode and die" do you know how much that hurts me? Its not easy I'm not life isn't hard it is, But sometimes I wish I could get out of it and start all over
again............
