Reliving hell

Thousands of thoughts and emotions,
and i cant grasp a single one,
whats said is said,
and whats done is done.
as a new door opens,
we close the ones behind,
a new puzzle is created,
and a new picture we find.
vivid colours of past memories,
start to fill my head,
my past still comes back to haunt me,
and still makes me wish i was dead.
if only you understood,
if only you knew,
all the pain and things done,
is why its hard to trust any of you.
you'll never know the full extent,
of the reasons that i cry,
i wish i could tell i'd like you to understand,
but i dont want to have to explain why