Torn

So many dreams a night,
it's hard for me to get sleep.

Matter not of what they are angelic or devilish,
I wake with tears running down my face and my pillow drenched.

During the day I hide the fact I am being torn apart.
During the day I laugh and smile, night falls finally I crash on my bed crying and gasping in pain.

My dreams reveal, what I hide, curse my creative mind to make my dreams so vivid and real.

Feeling every pain, every sting, every hit, with each pain brings back a memory. A good memory.
Something that tugs at my heart until it tugs it enough to make me cry.

Other times a dream so good can be ruined in a second.
Something happens that reminds me of something I never forgave myself for.

Alone in my room I ask myself why did God make me this way?
Or did I make myself this way?

Looking in the mirror, what do I see,
a girl that has failed, as a person, and as a friend.

Look me in the eyes, what do you see?
The mirror shows the other side of people, the mirror shows what I hide.

Black tears streaming down my face, never wanting to stop.
I am happy so why am I still crying?

How can you see who I am?
A person without a soul, a spirit broken long ago.

My wrist held out over the sink, the blade drawing closer and closer.

Realizing what good it would do, put the blade back in it's place.

Why make visible scars, when I am already crying from the scars on my heart, why make it worse?

Arising from my bed to look out the window, someone call my name, save me from the nothing I am, and bring back the person I once was.