The length of this poem made it simple to read, the emotion was there though it didnt really have enough power to get me into it. This was well written though and i liked it very much.
Love Tara-Kay
x

Wow, very deep & dark. Short and sweet. I liked it a lot. It portrayed a lot, and was very beautiful. It flowed really well, and the vocabulary was amazing!!

And her fragile heart it rips.
I think this should be like "And her fragile heart --it rips" or "And her fragile heart, it rips" OR.. "And her fragile heart; it rips"

Some type of punctuation :]

Awesome job, deary!

I will -Always- prefer a short poem over a long poem. Simply because you are forced to fit so much into so few lines you have to make it intense.

To me this poem comes across as almost a cry for help, it reads a little like the subject feels trapped either in a relationship they cannot get out of, or just trapped in everyday life. Either way; the subject is quite litterally dying to be free.

I think you keep a really strong rhyme scheme throughout this poem, with some very daring rhymes - yet they don't seem out of place at all.

My only qualm with this piece, is the last line of the first stanza .. You're missing some pause punctuation after "heart" be it a comma or semicolon or just an everyday dash. You really should have something in there to break it, just for that tiny pause so desperately needed.

Other than my one tiny critique, I simply love this piece. Job very well done!

~Pete.

"Madness is the cure for loneliness,
And her fragile heart, it rips."
- these are my favorite lines.
i think his poem was really deep and emotional. i love it.
Well Done
xx
Taegan Emily

Wow. i loved this piece. i read it over a few times and every time i read it i seen something new with in it... like watching a movie a few times it was amazing. The rhyme scheme you used in this piece seemed to tie it together well, even with the last stanze being only half the other stanzas it was still truely magnificient. Great work on this piece dear.

</2 Terra

It was fairly short but I liked it.It managed to grab & hold my attention through the whole thing.5/5

<3Amber

The poem was brilliant up until the last two lines. I didn't feel anything from the conclusion, which is sad as you presented the rest of the piece with a lot of powerful imagery and rhyme. I usually 'dig' the abrupt endings, and it is actually a tool I like to use (as you happened to point out while reading my poems), but it just didn't seem to coincide with the structure of this piece in particular. Try taking out the last two lines and see how the flow of the piece works then. Leaving the poem at this melancholy thought would perhaps be a lot more effective.

Nonetheless, a well written piece. Well done.

"Trapped inside eternal emptiness,
Disdain poisons her ruby lips."

^^I love that as the opening, within the first two lines you have managed to pull me right into the piece, along with creating beautiful imagery. Fantastic opening.

"And her fragile heart, it rips."

^^I found this line to be incredibly sad and moving..the pain and depth in these few words are beautifully created, and certainly tugged at my heart strings.

2nd stanza:
I love this stanza. The transition from despair to hope worked very well, and created such a powerful affect on this stanza.

"Crawling away from this torture now,
She knew that she'd be free somehow."

^^I LOVE that. Such a beautiful, bittersweet ending and definitely something that will stick with me.

The only thing I didn't like was the change from stanza's to a couplet at the end. The flow was still there, but it still put me of, just a little.

Your imagery and flow in this piece is beautiful, and despite being relatively short you managed to pack in so much emotion and depth into the whole piece.

A beautiful write.

I love this so much. i can picture the scene in my mind. good job. 5/5.

Very deep and meaningful poem. The word choice was excellent! Not to mention the flow being astonishing and the concept being DEEP. 5/5 for ANOTHER great write! :P Looking forward to reading more from you ;)

Short... But excellent poem... I like it... :)

I would love for this to have been a little longer. it would have made it much more great. but despite the length it was good. I felt a sense of hope for this girl.
which was a great thing to put in the poem.

5/5

Madness is the cure for loneliness,
And her fragile heart, it rips
-wow

Interesting write, i like the story and honestly i think it is a bit short, it almost seems like something was missing.