I came home, with not even a light on to greet me.
It didnt matter whether I came back or not.
As I walked in, the only noise in the house, was the door shutting behind me.
I recollected the evenings activities.
All the people having fun, enjoying each others company.
I sat there feeling like a driving rain was inside of me.
There were many others, but I was alone.
I would have fled long ago, but I stayed for a friend.
A loving couple laughing together, at their inside jokes.
Painfully my chest imploded in on itself as I snuck a peek of the lovers holding hands.
Relief ran through my veins as I left the happiness behind.
No longer did I have to pretend I wasnt jealous, that I was in control of my feelings.
I shuffled into my dark room.
There was little point to turning on a light.
As I entered, I felt the side of my bed and sat on the edge.
I crossed my right leg so my foot was on my opposite knee.
I fingered the laces on my shoe and felt the knot give way.
It was as if I had just somehow loosened all of the misery inside.
Before I could slide the shoe off, I began to sob into my hands.
Trying to keep it quiet, even without a soul around.
As a child, I learned to never make a loud noise in the house.
This cold house will never be a home to me.
I rolled to my side and grabbed my pillow and buried my face, just as I started to scream into it.
I grieved deeply as time stood still.
All I wished was that someone was here, to at least pretend to care.
