Outside myself and freezing cold. you asked me a question i didn't answer. you were confused. i tried to protest that i wasn't my fault. you didn't understand. i think i was excited and you were ecstatic and everything was spinning. that was after. i shut down and you were angry. it wasn't my fault. you tried to comfort me but i cried. i wanted to so bad but you stopped me. i cried harder. this feeling is something quite inexplainable and sometimes i don't like it. sometimes it's what keeps me real. it scares you and i don't understand why. maybe it's because you don't know how i'm feeling. i really would like an answer because it's almost yelling at me. it's outside and it's freezing cold and you don't understand why i'm out here. tears are starting to freeze and you're going numb. but i'm warming up. i hear you yelling at me. but i'm past that. i'm still crying but i feel better. i wish for understanding but you don't understand. i looked in a mirror and realized i didn't recognize myself. hidden beneath clothes and makeup. the feeling was coming back. those things i put on because that was who i am, what i still wanted to be. when i hear myself speak i hear the sounds but i don't hear the words. it seems like that's what you've said to me. thats my interpretation and you feel angry. the flowers that day looked beautiful and thats all i remember. i didn't feel anything, i all i remember is what i blocked out. you were angry with me. i don't remember it. the y constantly tell us to be individual, ourselves, yet they tell us to block emotion. you don't agree. happiness and joy are acceptable you say but i stay silent. i have nothing to say. i've changed myself and i'm scared. i guess what i o is unacceptable but it's basically what's keeping me alive.
