Twirling, twirling. everything was spinning. you looked around, your face was a blur. ask me a question, you asked. i screamed. every day was fake, controlled. everything was allowed, okay. my mind trying to process thoughts, ending slowly by leaving me. ask me a question, you asked. this time i stayed silent. The record of your mind stopped playing, and you walked away and left me alone. you thought i was in control, you thought everything was okay. i wished that, i dreamt that. everything was moving, and the song started again. everything overcrowding my mind, cluttering what was left of thoughts with distraction, messy. it's messy. when you look at me you see normal because i can make you believe it. you came back, but you didn't really know. ask me a question, you ask. what i'm really trying to tell you is bottled up. i walk away. all i wanted to feel was control, in control meaning it could stop. in control meaning the spinning would stop. it would never be normal you say. every time it happened, i would shout and cry. the spinning was controlled for you. tell me something, you asked. i told you, impossible, impossible. the tears were too much. do you understand? i asked you, do you really understand? you shook your head. i shivered. my body shook. it dawned on me that you were the distraction. i was the problem and it wasn't getting any better. twirling, and twirling. i want to explain but i cannot speak. i open my mouth, the blood comes pouring out. you suddenly stopped wondering, and i cried. ask me a question, you asked. I stopped and told you i had asked that too often. ask me a question, you asked again. why are you doing this to me? this time you sat down. you answered me with freedom. outside and it's freezing cold. i'm spinning and twirling, and it's perfect. in control of everything, the mind. messy. distracted. you were always who i was, but i is what i ended up.
